Wednesday, August 29, 2018

Wifey Wednesday: How Do You Restore Broken Trust?

Currently, I'm hooked in following Relationship Matters PH. Every Wednesday night at 9 pm, Richard and Maricar go live on their Facebook page to discuss a certain topic about relationships.

Last week's topic was: How do you restore a broken trust? (Part 3)

Pointers from their vlog:

  • Your spouse may feel betrayed if you withhold the truth to "protect" him, kahit maganda ang intentions.
  • Love banks should be full for relationships to survive.
  • Low love bank = more irritable and critical
  • Regular "deposits" of your partners's top emotional needs adds kilig points.
  • Fill your spouse's love bank.
  • Problem: when trust is broken, naiirita yung nag-cheat. "Bakit lahat kailangan mo malaman."
  • Love is not trust.
  • You can love someone and not trust them.
  • Bitterness makes you think the worst of others.
  • Pag favorite hashtag mo #WalangForever, bitter ka!😝  
  • How to survive an affair:
    • End it. Cut off completely! Closure is not a good idea.
    • Be transparent. no more secret lives.
    • Meet each other's emotional needs.
  • Affairs are always wrong. But they happened because an emotional need was not met.
  • Both must work to give each other's need. Keep depositing in the love bank.
  • Ask for God's help. God can give you strength and understanding that people cannot give. 
  • Your sincerest sorry should be to God.
  • It's difficult to trust someone once lied several times but it's not impossible. Baby steps lang.
  • Once the trust is broken, may duda na. Kailangan pagbigyan ang kapraningan to restore trust.
  • For the one who was wronged, may temptation na maging too self-righteous.
  • Double-standard. Cheating is more "accepted" in men.
  • Paano kung paulit-ulit ang cheating/betrayal? There's a line between ENABLING and FORGIVING.  Enabling: actions that encourage bad / destructive behavior.
  • Repeated cheating? You have to walk away. Why? Feeling niya (subconciously) kahit anong mali ang gawin, tatanggapin mo pa rin. If the guy keeps on cheating and the girl keeps accepting, hindi magbabago kasi walang consequence. Leaving the home can force the guy to change.
  • Giving time to heal. Minsan hindi kayo sabay maging "ok". 
  • Baby steps. Forgive. Don't be bitter.
  • If you cheated, be transparent kahit nakakainis. It takes time to restore trust.
  • You need a lot of prayers and support group, church community, couples or people you trust. 
  • Don't get tired of doing the right thing.
My personal opinion:
Rick Warren — 'Forgiveness must be immediate, whether or not a person asks for it. Trust must be rebuilt over time. Trust requires a track record.'
Usually, the offender wants instant forgiveness and act normal as if nothing happened. Easy way out. But if you are really sincere and you understand the pain your spouse has to go through, titiisin mo lahat ng pagdududa niya. Part yun ng pag-process niya. Madali magpatawad. Mahirap magtiwala ulit pagkatapos kang lokohin. Iba-iba ang taong, may iba na madaling magtiwala ulit. Meron din namang iba na matagal bago marebuild ang trust. Magtiyaga ka irebuild ang trust. Part din yan ng consequence mo. 

And it takes God's grace to trust again someone who betrayed you. Si Lord lang talaga makakapag-enable sa atin to trust after a betrayal.
How about you? Any suggestion how to rebuild a broken trust?
Kindly join Relationship Matters PH's live tonight at 9 pm.

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