Speaking before a crowd of 16,000 at the Encounter with Families at the Mall of Asia Arena on Friday, January 16, Pope Francis’ focused on the Holy Family during the Lirturgy of the Word, and left these insights:
“It is important to dream in the family. All mothers and fathers dream of their sons and daughters in the womb for nine months. They dream of how they will be. It isn’t possible to have a family without such dreams. When you lose this capacity to dream you lose the capacity to love, the capacity to love is lost. I recommend that at night when you examine your consciences, ask yourself if you dreamed of the future of your sons and daughters. Did you dream of your husband or wife? Did you dream today of your parents, your grandparents who carried forward the family to me? It is so important to dream and especially to dream in the family. Please don’t lose the ability to dream in this way. How many solutions are found to family problems if we take time to reflect, if we think of a husband or wife, and we dream about the good qualities they have. Don’t ever lose the memory of when you were boyfriend or girlfriend. That is very important.” via
I like that.
"Familiarity breeds contempt."
Something that you say which means if you know someone very well or experience something a lot, you stop respecting them.
"You always hurt the ones you love."
It seems we reserve our unkindest words and do our most thoughtless deeds to those who mean the most to us. And because those close to us care more about what we say and think, those words and actions hurt more deeply. It's a double-whammy. Because the stakes are so high in the family, we must ensure that our communications not only stay away from the negative, but that they lead everyone to the positive.
You can read Bible verses here that can be very helpful.
And here's another article that I really find useful. Here's a prayer the author suggested.
Lord Jesus, I confess that I have lived an overly casual life before my mate. I have mistakenly thought that behaving in a Christ-like manner wasn’t as important in my marriage as in other places. I can see that I was wrong. Help me to live with integrity before my mate. Amen.
Personally, I like to contemplate on this. Ibang-iba na kasi kame ni Duz ngayon compared when we were still in the boyfriend-girlfriend stage.
Although, 1 month lang naman talaga kame sa stage na yun kasi tinanan niya ako agad and we lived together, iba pa rin nung nagsisimula kame kumpara sa ngayon.
I read things about this. Normal talaga sa isang relationship specially marriage ang "familiarity". But do you know how dangerous it is?
Di ba minsan, mas mabait pa tayo sa ibang tao kesa sa asawa naten? Ganun kasi ako madalas. I noticed, mas mabait at malambing ako sa mga girlfriends ko kesa kay Duz. Si Duz, ganun din. Mas magaling siya makisama sa ibang tao, pero sa akin - hirap na hirap siya.
Hindi ako agad-agad nagagalit sa ibang tao, meaning mas mahaba ang pasensya ko while on the other hand, Duz can really piss me off over small things. As in. Facial reaction lang niya, nabubwisit na ako. Ang bad noh? I know, siya din may mga ganyang moments with me.
Hindi naman kame abnormal. Sabi nga sa research, normal yan. Dumadating talaga sa ganyang stage.
Mommy Fleur, recommends few things how we can be and stay like boyfriends and girlfriends.
Make an effort. Dapat we are intentional in spending quality time with our spouse. Kahit na gaano pa tayo ka-busy.
Palagpasin ang mga maliliit na bagay. Wives, we have to train ourselves to overlook our husband's faults. Hindi ito madali. It requires discipline. Pero pag nasanay na tayo, and it has been a habit, it will become a natural reflex to be forgetful of those small things. An author shared a secret how to deal with it. Let's direct our thoughts daw to what we like and love about our husband.
Compliment one another. Di ba nung mag-bf-gf palang kayo, madalas kayo mag-bolahan. Ganyan. If you have trouble with him, just take a few minutes and stroke his ego. You'll soon have him eating out of your hand.
Try to act not overly familiar with each other. In layman’s term, do not fart muna in front of the other. Hiya-hiya din pag may time. Haha.... Totoo yan mga bakla. Wag masyadong makampante. Ako, I don't dress in front of Duz. Natutunan ko yan sa mga nabasa kong articles and blogs about marriage. No- no yan. Sabi nga nila, itago mo yang katawan mo, para hindi maumay ang asawa mo. Sa mga lalaki naman, brush your teeth before kissing your wife. Iba pa rin kapag mabango ka sa pang-amoy ng asawa mo. Try to think of your spouse. Iwasan naten ang mga nakaka-turn off na bagay. That way, you show your respect for him/her.
Take time to date one another without the kids. Eto, hindi namen magawa-gawa ni Duz sa sitwasyon namen ngayon. We live independently, without any help from any family member. So, hindi ko alam kung saan namen iiwan si Chloe. Gustung-gusto na namen ni Duz mag-date like other mag-jowa pero hindi ko matiis iiwan si Chloe sa ibang tao. Now, we're trying to find ways para mailusot ang "date".
Show affection to each other often. Ako, I always ask Duz "Mahal mo ba ako?". I think, sometimes naiinis na siya. Paulit-ulit kasi. Parang bata. Instead of asking him to tell me he loves me, I forget to tell him how much I love him. So dapat tayo mag-initiate. Kapag tayo ang nakapansin na nagiging cold na si husband, tayo ang mag-lambing sa kaniya. Do not reprimand him to make lambing to you. Minsan kasi parang inuutos na naten, to the point na hindi na bukal sa loob nila. They tend to pretend tuloy.
Try not to nag all the time. I admit, there are times na hindi talaga maiwasan - pero bawas bawasan naten ang pagna-nag. Without you knowing it, you sound like your mother-in-law na. Hala ka. I am talking to myself right now. As in. I write these things not to preach to other women but as a note to myself. So, having said that - I will try my best to bite my tongue more often. Mas ok na sigurong dumugo ang dila ko kesa naman madurog ang pagkalalaki ni Duz. Exage. Haha. Pero sige.
To sum up, nung mag-jowa pa lang kayo, bolahan kayo ng bolahan. Lambingan kayo ng lambingan - PDA (public display of affection). Pag may nakakirita sa kanya, hindi mo masaydong pinapansin, nacu-cute-an ka pa nga. Nagde-date kayo kahit walang pera. Umi-effort ka sa mga love letters, chocolates or flowers. So, ibalik naten yan ngayong mag-asawa na kayo.
Have sex often. Eto , hindi ko sure kung anong definiton ng "often". Ganano kadalas ang minsan?? Haha. Pero seriously, how many times ba in a week ang normal? I don't have an idea. Wala akong comparison. Wala ako mapag-tanungan. Basta ang alam ko, based on experience, pag mag-jowa palang - sobrang dalas. Madikit lang, kumu-quikie na. SPG - :) Sa honeymoon stage parang 3 times a day. Haha. Pero pag tumatagal, parang tumutumal. Kalerkei. Basta dalasan daw. Kung once a week niyo ng ginagawa, make it two or three times a week siguro. Kung everyday niyong ginagawa at yan ang normal sa inyo, uhm.... make it 3 times a day? O basta, sex pa more! Bahala na kayo. :)
There you go.
Please feel free to add more tips in the comment box below =)