Sunday, September 15, 2013

On Trying To Be Perfect

Hi sweetie! It's a rainy Saturday for most of us. I'm done with some household chores and I was able to sleep for few hours.

Anyway, I've read a very powerful article about moms stressing to be perfect or to be super moms. I tried to think about it and relate it to my personal life. Yes, before I wanted to become Mrs. Perfect but not anymore.

I know that there are some areas in my life where I excel (by the grace of God). Reality check - I'm far from being perfect. I sometimes feel guilty of things related to being a mom and a wife.

For example, I wasn't able to breastfeed my daughters for as long as I should. Na'breastfeed ko si Pretty for a week. Chloe is luckier because I was able to breastfeed her for a month. Nonetheless, I still feel guilty about it. Ngayon ko lang kasi na-re-realize and importance niya. I found out a lot of mommy bloggers who are also campaigning breastfeeding and now I want to be its advocate. I gave up breastfeeding too early after giving birth because I needed to work. Does that make me a bad mom? Hindi siguro.

Pretty stays with my mom for almost all her life. I only see her less than 10 times a month. Five years ago, things were kinda complicated at pumayag ako na kunin ni Momcy si Pretty. I wasn't able to teach her how to read and write. She learned those things from Momcy. Out of her many school programs, I was able to attend only few of them. Does that make me a bad mom? Hindi siguro.

I learned practicality when I gave birth to Chloe. Her first formula milk was Birch Tree because a doctor recommended it and it's way cheaper than S-26. Hindi niya na-experience and Prokids diaper at Dr. Edwards sterilized drinking water unlike her Ate Pretty. Most of her clothes ay pinagliitan lang din ng ate niya. I allow her to eat candies and chocolates because she likes it. Hindi ko siya dineprive sa sweets. In fact, at an early age, she lost some of her teeth because I can no longer control what she eats when I'm away and working. Nalaman ko na lang, may unlimited candies pala siya sa mga lolo't lola niya. I don't pressure Chloe to memorize the alphabet even if other babies are already reading at the age of 2. Why? Duz tried to do that and Chloe kept on saying "Sorry Dad" while crying because of stress. Then I told Duz we'll change our way of teaching her. After so many years, I still feel guilty every night when I leave the house and go to work. Mas mahirap pa kapag nagmamaka-awa si Chloe na isama ko na lang daw siya sa work ko. I always try my very best to explain to her the reasons why I need to go to work. I can't sleep beside her at night. During weekends, I still try to cope up with my messed up body clock para masulit ko siya. Does that make me a bad mom? Hindi siguro.

I sometimes do laundry but not Duz's clothes. I have scoliosis and I was advised by my doctor to avoid that chore. Malalaki't mabibigat ang mga damit ni Duz kaya hindi pwede. Hindi ko siya napagluluto ng pagkain kasi mas magaling siya magluto saken and he runs the kitchen in our house. Di ko siya nakakatabi matulog pag weekdays because I work during night. He wants massage but I can't do it right and when he needs it, the best thing I can do is to bring him to a masseur. I make it up to him sa ibang paraan at ibang araw. How? I look after Chloe before and after my work. I do almost all the household chores para pagdating ni Duz from work, matutulog na lang siya. Pag weekend nights, dun ako bumabawi ng bongga. Does that make me a bad wife? Hindi siguro.

So for all the mommies and wives out there, stop trying to be a Super Mom/Wife. Wag niyo i-stress'in ang sarili niyo. Stop comparing dahil kanya-kanyang diskarte yan. Just be a good parent, love your kids and husband and do your best.

People might say I am not a perfect wife and mom but I don't care. Wala namang talagang perfect. I have flaws and I am working on them and everyday I pray to God to make me a better mom and wife. Lastly, stop being too hard on yourself. Smile and enjoy life!