Sunday, August 11, 2013

Relationship Plateau

What is Relationship Plateau?

Some call it "the beginning of the end". It usually creeps in without you knowing how and when it happened. Relationship Plateau is a common occurrence. In a relationship, there will come a time when you stop seeing a growth. It feels like, no matter what you do, the end result would be you feeling: "Yeah, same shit, different day!" Men and women react differently on this.

How will you know if you're in a relationship plateau?
Starting point is "identification." It actually starts simple enough. "Good day" becomes "ok day" or "same day". Events in your lives are less exciting. Think about it. One moment, everything is as they say "hunky dory" and all of a sudden, the next moment, the chemistry, the attraction is just not there. It's as if someone has just switched off the power or poured water on the fire. Maybe love at this time is not tasteless, it's just bland. It is truly mind numbing, not understanding what has gone wrong, what is missing and this is the time when one of the couple says the infamous lines:

"Parang may kulang..."
"Parati na lang ganito..."
" Nagbago ka na..."
" Hindi na tayo tulad ng dati..."

Believe me, gasgas na saken yung mga linya na yan. Memorize na memorize ko na yan!

Why is it dangerous?
Relationship Plateau is dangerous since there is no spice, no passion, no emotions or feelings. You see where it's headed? Yes, it is headed to divorce, cool off or quick break up. Some ended up having a fling or an affair. I tell you, it's very dangerous!

Relationship Plateau blues break apart a good and strong relationship. Just like the iron of the best quality will rust if kept open air for too long, so too will a relationship going on for a time in a fixed pattern, will bring on relationship plateau blues.

So what to do?
Do not quit! This is the time that you must understand that it's not your love that has dwindled, you just need a change. You may find yourself "not in the mood", hell maybe even "not into it anymore" but you must give it a try and just hold on.

  • Change your routine. Change things up. Spice things up. Do something that takes a lot of effort, just so that you ca have fun! Do something that you've never or seldom done. Based on my experience, a weekend getaway is a great idea. That Bellarocca experience is one of  a kind.

  • Revisit the memories. Sit down with your partner with letters and pictures of the two of you and revisit your love story. Duz and I do this. We open our letter box or our FB to check old photos. Duz is also the one who usually re-tells our love story to his siblings or cousins.

  • Plan your future. Discuss your life goals together. Encourage your partner to reach his/her dream. This excites both of you. I am the one who usually writes all her plans and dreams in a piece of paper and I show it to Duz.

  • Take the Love Dare. This is the time that you both need to put extra efforts to work things out. The Love Dare is a Bible-based challenge that will surely help you survive this critical stage of your relationship.

  • A lot more things. It depends how you handle it. Surprise him/her. Talk about your feelings. Give him/her time or space. Whatever you think will work for you, do it. Just don't wait for your partner to initiate the change or the solution.

Reaching this plateau is scary but can also be quite invigorating. It means you've reached a new level, a level where either you will climb to the next cliff or it will plunge to nothingness. Most great relationships you'll hear  about hit plateau at some point. Embrace these moments for they only make relationships stronger.

Remember: "Everything stagnates unless you work at keeping it fresh."

Love is a tricky thing. It can be the most gratifying or devastating experience of our lives. Stay alert, appreciate what you have, pray and remain positive!

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